A penny for my Thoughts

Many thoughts for the last week.

How did it happen? Who contracted it first? Why things happened? Why must people react in that manner? Is it really my fault? Why is it my fault? How am I responsible? Etc. etc etc.

Then an sms came and asked why I was so defensive. All of a sudden, a whole lot of events which happened many years ago started to come back to me. Feelings, thoughts and images just came back to me. That was a test of my character.

I still wanted to protest and defend myself. But what's the point? Even if I have been understood, what difference would it make? It doesn't make me feel better. Neither does it change anything that had happened.

So next would be a sincere apology. But to apologise for what I have not done? Or rather for my ignorance? Finally, it is to apologise for how I tried to defend myself.

This chicken pox isn't just another illness. It shows me another deep-lying illness that I have. The insecurities I have with people.